Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Here we go again...

“Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.” -Unknown

**Disclaimer: These are my thoughts from today, and they’re not necessarily friendly. I don’t think that any one who will be reading this today will be offended, but just in case, someone finds this later, you have your own reactions to this situation—these are mine.**

Yesterday was my husband’s cousin’s 18th birthday, and also the day she chose to tell her aunt/legal guardian (aka my MIL) that she is six weeks pregnant. This is like a kick in the stomach for all of us. If you knew some of her back story, you would know that C struggles with her schoolwork and self esteem, probably intensified by a learning disability and psychological imbalance, which have been exacerbated by, if not instigated by years of living with and then being abandoned by an alcoholic/drug abusing mother.

My MIL is not the most maternal person in the world, but she has been generous to open her home to her niece. We’ve been keeping our fingers crossed that C’s grades would be good enough to graduate and start at the local community college. But it looks like that’s all up in the air right now. That just kills me.

Of course that side of the family is not very good at anger management either, so I imagine the last few days have been hell for C. Luckily Rob is aware enough that although he is furious, he knows he shouldn’t lash out at her right now. However, I’m pretty sure everyone else hasn’t been that thoughtful.

On the other hand, I react to situations a lot differently from them. My philosophy in these instances is that it is pointless to get mad about what could have been or to get frustrated by what should have been done—this is the path we’re on, so where do we go from here? Rob told me last night that perhaps I should give C a call. However, that puts me in a sticky situation. I don’t have any more solutions than anybody else, I’m not totally in a buddy-buddy relationship with C, and I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but I think that she needs a champion, someone that’s looking out for her.

I think that the moment you become pregnant, you are suddenly snapped from being a kid, and you become an adult, making adult decisions, whether you’re ready for them or not. So someone needs to step up and treat C like an adult. Hopefully that includes making suggestions and providing advice, but it also means letting her make the important decisions.

I’m also struggling with this new obstacle because unplanned pregnancies seem to run rampant through the women of this family. No one in this family has conceived a child because they planned for, wanted, and were ready for a child. And I’m having a hard time not placing blame on a certain someone who is always more willing to give criticism than praise. This same someone who took on the role of parent when a child needed it, and who is threatening to throw it away because it’s not easy now.

My first thought when Rob told me was, “Oh, we could take that little baby and love him or her so much. We’re more ready for a baby than C.” But unfortunately, that’s not the answer. And, I’m not so sure that we’re that much more ready.


  1. ugh. rough news. i like how kind your first thought was...to kind of rescue that little babe.

    shows your character, don't you think?

    good thoughts to you all...

  2. Oh Jana, I'm sorry that C and all of your are in this situation. But, am so proud that you are able to look beyond a bad decision and see the probably terrified teenager inside and the new life that she's bringing into the world. I imagine that she mainly needs to know that she's not alone in a world that has often left her that way. Love to you!


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