“Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.”
-Kahlil Gibran
Double ear infection, double pink eye, fever over 101° F, a runny nose, and an overall grumpy baby. It has been a long week.
Here are the random thoughts that have been running through my head...
Mama vs. Daddy
When he's happy, Silas will do anything to watch and be with Daddy. When he's sad, he wants nothing to do with anybody but Mama. Which means it has been the "Mama show" around here all week.
I remember the lactation consultant explaining, "when baby's hungry and his tummy hurts, he comes
to Mama, and she makes him feel better. It makes sense that when
something else hurts, he wants only her. He knows she will make him feel
better."
Project Management
Because I feel fine, I had great aspirations to get things done during my days off from work. However, the only thing I have been able to finish off lately is a bag of M&M's or a package of raw cookie dough.
I finally put my finger on why I'm feeling like I can't get anything
done at home, even when I feel like I've used my time wisely. My time
these days comes in 10-minute chunks ... This is the season of "fringe
minutes" rather than "fringe hours".
I also realized that I get through life one project at a time... maybe it's about time that I
start thinking of cooking dinner and sweeping the floor as projects.
Embracing the Present Moment
A sick baby meant extra days at home with him. Even though he wasn't feeling the best, I tried hard to savor these unexpected moments... him falling asleep in my arms, sweet cuddles to make it feel better, and even the night that he wouldn't fall asleep anywhere but on top of me.
However, now that Rob's got a sore throat and runny nose, and my eyes are itchy and bloodshot (thanks for sharing, son!), it's almost impossible not to wish these days away.
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Showing posts with label present. Show all posts
Showing posts with label present. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Tuesday, May 05, 2015
Three months with Silas...
"The world is as many times new as there are children in our lives."
-Robert Brault
We began the month with a wonderful visit from Lovey, Aunt Callie, and cousin Luke for Easter. Not only was it invigorating for Mama to be surrounded by her tribe, but the cousins were able to meet for the first time. (Although I'm not sure that Silas realized Luke was there.) It was really neat to see what milestones Luke had reached (he's six months older) and know that Silas would be reaching them in just a few months. Lovey spoiled us with Easter baskets, a shopping trip, and handmade baby shorts. And, the conversations between Callie and I are always so authentic and energizing. We can't wait until we see them again... hopefully this summer!
The excitement for the month... Silas started running a high fever late on Sunday night. With doctors' offices closed, we had no choice but to take him to the ER, where his temperature was measured to be 102.6°. Because he was just shy of 3 months old, they had to do the full work-up, including taking chest x-rays, drawing tubes of blood, inserting an IV port and giving him fluids, inserting an in-and-out catheter for urinalysis, and admitting him for two nights on the pediatric floor of the hospital. Watching him get poked and prodded hurt this mama's heart, but he was such a trooper. Turns out it was just a cold virus, but better safe than sorry. By the time we were discharged on Tuesday evening, he was almost back to his normal smiley self; although a cough and snotty nose still linger, and he was nice enough to share his cold with Mama. Hopefully that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience... we could do without another hospital stay ever!
What is Silas up to?
The spit up... oh my goodness, the spit up!! The most memorable quote from Aunt Callie while she was visiting: "wow, he really does spit up a lot!" This month Rob and I noticed a pattern of it happening most often when his stomach is compressed, so we cut down on tummy time for a few weeks and stopped throwing him over our shoulder to burp or carry him. Although it hasn't totally eliminate the mess, it does seem to help.
As hinted at in the 2nd month summary, Silas slept the whole night through for the first time on the first night of his third month. Mama was thrilled!! Although this still isn't yet the norm, I really can't complain about his sleep routine: it could be much worse! His usual pattern is to go to bed around 8:30 pm, wake to nurse for a few minutes sometime between 3:00 and 4:30 am, and then I wake him for the day around 6:30 am. The hospital stay and cold messed with his routine for the few days following, but we have been graced with a few more all-nighters here and there.
We have been swaddling Silas at night since he was born, most recently with the Velcro swaddle blankets from Summer Infant or Kiddopotamus. When his hands are wrapped inside, he expends a lot of energy trying to break the swaddle and free them. We have started just leaving his arms out. Lately he has also been spinning himself around during the night. When I come in to wake him in the morning, he has rotated 180 degrees around.
We knew early on that Silas was going to be a thumbsucker, but until just recently his lack of coordination usually kept him from getting it to his mouth. It was so funny to watch him miss his aim, hitting his forehead or cheek. But then all of a sudden, this month he started hitting the target! Sometimes he will prop his other hand up to keep it in his mouth... which is just about the cutest thing ever! When the thumb hits the mouth, it's a sure sign that a nap is soon to follow.
This month Silas started officially giggling. The first time was in the backseat while Lovey made silly faces. He is a often smiley, happy baby, but that little laugh is the best! Kissing just under his ears or moving his arms along with a song is a surefire way to get a cackle.
From Mama's perspective...
When Silas was almost 10 weeks old, I returned to work part-time and started full-time a week and a half later. As expected, I have struggled a little bit with the idea of going back to work and leaving Silas with other people. It's the strangest oxymoron... I don't want him to know that I've left him with strangers for the day, but I also kind of want him to miss me while I am away.
It's been especially difficult, given my choice of "present" as my One Little Word for this year. Although I chose that word hoping to make the most of all the time I'm with my little guy, it makes me sad that it's not possible for me to be physically present with Silas for much of the day. I hate that our time together has to be squeezed into 30 minutes in the morning and a couple of hours at night.
Despite all of my reservations and feelings, returning to work/leaving him at day care has actually gone better than I envisioned. I have always been comfortable with the childcare facility that we chose, which has helped ease my mind. I am also glad that we are beginning these routines early before he is really aware that I'm leaving him.
Transitioning into it by working half-days was the way to go. (I would totally recommend this to other new moms!) At first I told myself that I could go pick him up in "just four hours," and on the first full day, the morning routine felt just like the half-days. Now I am just counting down until the weekends!
A few of Silas's favorites...
-Robert Brault
We began the month with a wonderful visit from Lovey, Aunt Callie, and cousin Luke for Easter. Not only was it invigorating for Mama to be surrounded by her tribe, but the cousins were able to meet for the first time. (Although I'm not sure that Silas realized Luke was there.) It was really neat to see what milestones Luke had reached (he's six months older) and know that Silas would be reaching them in just a few months. Lovey spoiled us with Easter baskets, a shopping trip, and handmade baby shorts. And, the conversations between Callie and I are always so authentic and energizing. We can't wait until we see them again... hopefully this summer!
The excitement for the month... Silas started running a high fever late on Sunday night. With doctors' offices closed, we had no choice but to take him to the ER, where his temperature was measured to be 102.6°. Because he was just shy of 3 months old, they had to do the full work-up, including taking chest x-rays, drawing tubes of blood, inserting an IV port and giving him fluids, inserting an in-and-out catheter for urinalysis, and admitting him for two nights on the pediatric floor of the hospital. Watching him get poked and prodded hurt this mama's heart, but he was such a trooper. Turns out it was just a cold virus, but better safe than sorry. By the time we were discharged on Tuesday evening, he was almost back to his normal smiley self; although a cough and snotty nose still linger, and he was nice enough to share his cold with Mama. Hopefully that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience... we could do without another hospital stay ever!
What is Silas up to?
The spit up... oh my goodness, the spit up!! The most memorable quote from Aunt Callie while she was visiting: "wow, he really does spit up a lot!" This month Rob and I noticed a pattern of it happening most often when his stomach is compressed, so we cut down on tummy time for a few weeks and stopped throwing him over our shoulder to burp or carry him. Although it hasn't totally eliminate the mess, it does seem to help.
As hinted at in the 2nd month summary, Silas slept the whole night through for the first time on the first night of his third month. Mama was thrilled!! Although this still isn't yet the norm, I really can't complain about his sleep routine: it could be much worse! His usual pattern is to go to bed around 8:30 pm, wake to nurse for a few minutes sometime between 3:00 and 4:30 am, and then I wake him for the day around 6:30 am. The hospital stay and cold messed with his routine for the few days following, but we have been graced with a few more all-nighters here and there.
We have been swaddling Silas at night since he was born, most recently with the Velcro swaddle blankets from Summer Infant or Kiddopotamus. When his hands are wrapped inside, he expends a lot of energy trying to break the swaddle and free them. We have started just leaving his arms out. Lately he has also been spinning himself around during the night. When I come in to wake him in the morning, he has rotated 180 degrees around.
We knew early on that Silas was going to be a thumbsucker, but until just recently his lack of coordination usually kept him from getting it to his mouth. It was so funny to watch him miss his aim, hitting his forehead or cheek. But then all of a sudden, this month he started hitting the target! Sometimes he will prop his other hand up to keep it in his mouth... which is just about the cutest thing ever! When the thumb hits the mouth, it's a sure sign that a nap is soon to follow.
This month Silas started officially giggling. The first time was in the backseat while Lovey made silly faces. He is a often smiley, happy baby, but that little laugh is the best! Kissing just under his ears or moving his arms along with a song is a surefire way to get a cackle.
From Mama's perspective...
When Silas was almost 10 weeks old, I returned to work part-time and started full-time a week and a half later. As expected, I have struggled a little bit with the idea of going back to work and leaving Silas with other people. It's the strangest oxymoron... I don't want him to know that I've left him with strangers for the day, but I also kind of want him to miss me while I am away.
It's been especially difficult, given my choice of "present" as my One Little Word for this year. Although I chose that word hoping to make the most of all the time I'm with my little guy, it makes me sad that it's not possible for me to be physically present with Silas for much of the day. I hate that our time together has to be squeezed into 30 minutes in the morning and a couple of hours at night.
Despite all of my reservations and feelings, returning to work/leaving him at day care has actually gone better than I envisioned. I have always been comfortable with the childcare facility that we chose, which has helped ease my mind. I am also glad that we are beginning these routines early before he is really aware that I'm leaving him.
Transitioning into it by working half-days was the way to go. (I would totally recommend this to other new moms!) At first I told myself that I could go pick him up in "just four hours," and on the first full day, the morning routine felt just like the half-days. Now I am just counting down until the weekends!
A few of Silas's favorites...
- Aveeno Baby Lotion : The latest skin care regimen for Mr. Silas. At his two-month appointment, his pediatrician recommended Aveeno for his dry skin. I've been giving him mini massages with the lotion every morning and night which he loves... And, his skin is getting softer and less scaly!
- The Very Hungry Caterpillar Teether Rattle : Silas is just beginning to hold onto toys, and one of his favorites is this caterpillar rattle. It makes a crunchy sound when it flexes and jingles when you rattle it, but Silas's favorite part is the soft felt legs that he likes to put in his mouth.
- Helium balloons : The highlight of Silas' hospital stay was the helium balloon he received to wish him well. We lightly tied it around his ankle, and he was entertained for a long time. I'm not sure that he ever realized he was controlling it, but because he kicks his legs so much, it was constantly bobbing around.
- NoseFrida : Even after he was discharged from the hospital, Silas battled (and still is battling!) a cough and snotty nose. So twice a day we have to hold him down to suction his nose, which he HATES! Luckily the NoseFrida Snotsucker sucks up the mucus much better than those darn nasal bulbs. Unfortunately I haven't yet figured out how to use it solo: I have to hold his hands and position the funnel at his nostril, while Rob holds his head and sucks through the mouthpiece. But because it's more efficient, the "trauma" doesn't last very long.
- Britax B-Agile 4 : Rob and I fell in love with this stroller when planning our registry. (It's manufactured just down the road in Fort Mill, SC.) We paired it with the brand new B-Safe 35 infant car seat model, and Silas is riding in style. The nice spring weather has been perfect for long neighborhood walks or spectating a bike race.
- Boken Every Day Bag : I wanted to find a super functional diaper bag (read: backpack straps) that didn't scream diaper bag and didn't cost an arm and a leg. The Boken bag meets all of those qualifications and more. It is made of out a lightweight windbreaker fabric that looks a bit wrinkled, which may not be everyone's style, but I love it. It has been quite the workhorse going back and forth to daycare... bottles in the side pocket and several changes of clothes (did I mention he spits up a lot!) in one of the interior pockets.
Monday, March 02, 2015
A Day in the Life of Silas' Socks...
“Photography can only represent the present. Once photographed, the subject becomes part of the past.”
-Berenice Abbott
I've wanted to learn to effectively use the manual settings on our dSLR camera since we first purchased it (only 5.5 years ago!). But, no matter how many tutorials I read, I couldn't keep it all straight in my head: shutter speeds, apertures, and f-stops, oh my!
Knowing how much I want to capture some great photos of Silas' early days, Rob gifted me with an online photography class for Valentine's Day. The timing of the next Photo 101 class at Nicole's Classes [website | blog | facebook] coincided perfectly with my maternity leave, giving me plenty of daylight hours at home to practice over the next couple of weeks.
I started last week, and I already consider it a success as I was forced to pull out my camera manual and learn what each of the dials and buttons control. I still have to think really hard about the theory in order to predict what the adjustments will do, but with time and lots of practice, I know it will come.
For the final exercise of last week's assignment, I chose to document "A Day in the Life of Silas' Socks." While I realize not every photo is spot-on in terms of exposure, I'm super proud that I captured the whole series with manual settings!!! Couldn't have done that a week ago!
-Berenice Abbott
I've wanted to learn to effectively use the manual settings on our dSLR camera since we first purchased it (only 5.5 years ago!). But, no matter how many tutorials I read, I couldn't keep it all straight in my head: shutter speeds, apertures, and f-stops, oh my!
Knowing how much I want to capture some great photos of Silas' early days, Rob gifted me with an online photography class for Valentine's Day. The timing of the next Photo 101 class at Nicole's Classes [website | blog | facebook] coincided perfectly with my maternity leave, giving me plenty of daylight hours at home to practice over the next couple of weeks.
I started last week, and I already consider it a success as I was forced to pull out my camera manual and learn what each of the dials and buttons control. I still have to think really hard about the theory in order to predict what the adjustments will do, but with time and lots of practice, I know it will come.
For the final exercise of last week's assignment, I chose to document "A Day in the Life of Silas' Socks." While I realize not every photo is spot-on in terms of exposure, I'm super proud that I captured the whole series with manual settings!!! Couldn't have done that a week ago!
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| 12:26 pm |
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| 1:10 pm |
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| 3:25 pm |
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| 3:35 pm |
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| 4:04 pm |
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| 4:46 pm |
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| 4:46 pm |
Sunday, March 01, 2015
Nursing in the Night...
"...a little child, born yesterday,
A thing on mother's milk and kisses fed..."
-"Hymn to Mercury," translated from ancient Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley
A thing on mother's milk and kisses fed..."
-"Hymn to Mercury," translated from ancient Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley
The light from my phone shines through your ugly duckling hair, recording the minutes and tracking the data.
Your daddy dozes nearby, waiting to carry you back to your crib.
Your little body wraps around mine, staying warm and close.
My forearm cradles your head, holding you to my breast.
My right hand grasps your little fingers, keeping them out of the way.
My left hand rests on your back, gently rocking you back and forth to remind you what you're doing.
My thumb rubs your shoulder, and my fingers tickle your chin, waking you from your doze.
Your lips suckle to my breast, nourishing your little body.
My other breast aches and leaks, waiting its turn.
A cloth rests on my shoulder, waiting for your burps.
Even in the dark, our eyes lock onto each other's, until yours drift closed once again.
Our hearts connect in this moment, wishing you would stay little like this forever, yet wondering who you will grow up to be.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Present... my intentions
“Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.”
-Oprah Winfrey
Inspired by the January prompt from Ali Edward's 2015 "One Little Word" workshop, I have set intentions for the year.
PHYSICAL:
I want to be fully present for the birth of my son. As his due date is just a few weeks away, this opportunity will probably arrive before the month ends. For the last few months, I have prepared for a natural, unmedicated childbirth experience, and I hope that circumstances allow that to happen.
Before pregnancy, I was in the best shape of my life... I hope that I am able to reestablish a fitness routine of some kind, both to lose the baby weight and for the confidence boost I get when I'm able to beast through a set of burpees.
POSSESSIONS:
As always, I dream of uncluttered and sleak spaces; however, I am learning that perhaps minimalism is not my most authentic decorating style. Instead I hope that my focus on living in the present inspires me to let go of the "junk" that I'm not currently using, that which I've been saving for the proverbial rainy day.
EMOTIONAL:
I want to be fully present to appreciate the moments as they happen. I want to notice the small things and be grateful for them. I don't want to wish away the hours, the days, the weeks.
I want to find a balance and a rhythm to my days. There are sure to be days (and nights) that just plain suck, and I want to learn to see the beauty in even them.
SPIRITUAL:
I hope that by living fully in the present I am able to notice, recognize, and give thanks for the "God moments" in my life, big or small.
RELATIONSHIPS:
I want to be fully present for my family. I want to build a relationship with my son that we will treasure throughout our lives. I want to support my husband in his new role as daddy.
I want give myself and others around me grace as we adjust to this "new normal." We will not always live up to our own expectations, and I hope not to dwell on those moments.
CAREER:
I want to embrace the idea of "working mother." I want to be fully present when I am at work, while never forgetting my priority to my family. Leaving my son at day care and pumping milk for him throughout the day will be new challenges to overcome, but I also see value in supporting my family financially as well as in establishing a successful personal identity outside of motherhood.
I want to leave myself open for new career possibilities... especially for ones that offer opportunities for creativity and growth.
CREATIVE:
As I focus on being present in so many other areas of my life, I must not forget to make time for creative pursuits. Being creative is the pulse that keeps me going, and without opportunities to stretch myself creatively, I know that I will not reach my full potential in all of the other areas.
Specifically I hope to document my pregnancy and my son's first year with scrapbooks/photo albums/memory keeping projects. But perhaps I can also set aside time each day to be creative... to make something with my hands, to design something graphically, to write down a story, or to plan a project.
-Oprah Winfrey
Inspired by the January prompt from Ali Edward's 2015 "One Little Word" workshop, I have set intentions for the year.
PHYSICAL:
I want to be fully present for the birth of my son. As his due date is just a few weeks away, this opportunity will probably arrive before the month ends. For the last few months, I have prepared for a natural, unmedicated childbirth experience, and I hope that circumstances allow that to happen.
Before pregnancy, I was in the best shape of my life... I hope that I am able to reestablish a fitness routine of some kind, both to lose the baby weight and for the confidence boost I get when I'm able to beast through a set of burpees.
POSSESSIONS:
As always, I dream of uncluttered and sleak spaces; however, I am learning that perhaps minimalism is not my most authentic decorating style. Instead I hope that my focus on living in the present inspires me to let go of the "junk" that I'm not currently using, that which I've been saving for the proverbial rainy day.
EMOTIONAL:
I want to be fully present to appreciate the moments as they happen. I want to notice the small things and be grateful for them. I don't want to wish away the hours, the days, the weeks.
I want to find a balance and a rhythm to my days. There are sure to be days (and nights) that just plain suck, and I want to learn to see the beauty in even them.
SPIRITUAL:
I hope that by living fully in the present I am able to notice, recognize, and give thanks for the "God moments" in my life, big or small.
RELATIONSHIPS:
I want to be fully present for my family. I want to build a relationship with my son that we will treasure throughout our lives. I want to support my husband in his new role as daddy.
I want give myself and others around me grace as we adjust to this "new normal." We will not always live up to our own expectations, and I hope not to dwell on those moments.
CAREER:
I want to embrace the idea of "working mother." I want to be fully present when I am at work, while never forgetting my priority to my family. Leaving my son at day care and pumping milk for him throughout the day will be new challenges to overcome, but I also see value in supporting my family financially as well as in establishing a successful personal identity outside of motherhood.
I want to leave myself open for new career possibilities... especially for ones that offer opportunities for creativity and growth.
CREATIVE:
As I focus on being present in so many other areas of my life, I must not forget to make time for creative pursuits. Being creative is the pulse that keeps me going, and without opportunities to stretch myself creatively, I know that I will not reach my full potential in all of the other areas.
Specifically I hope to document my pregnancy and my son's first year with scrapbooks/photo albums/memory keeping projects. But perhaps I can also set aside time each day to be creative... to make something with my hands, to design something graphically, to write down a story, or to plan a project.
2015 One Little Word: Present
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
-Annie Dillard
2015 will be my fifth year to align myself with a word [2011, 2012, 2013, 2014] and my third year to participate in Ali Edward's "One Little Word" workshop. Never before has my next word spoken to me so early in the preceding year. This past summer I ran across a quote from Shauna Niequist that begins with the phrase, "present over perfect." From that point forward, I found myself repeating this mantra whenever my perfectionist tendencies threatened to suck all of the joy out of something.
I noted the power of this quote in my 2014 OLW album as part of my journey to discovering and celebrating authenticity. Also documented in my 2014 album is my big aha of the year: that choosing to be authentic means choosing what feels right and real in the present moment. And, it struck me that here was the word "present" again. It seemed to be calling out to me, begging me to grab hold. I tucked it in the back of my head for awhile, giving "authentic" the last few months of the journey that it deserved. But, with the arrival of 2015, I am eager to unleash the word "present" into my life... to see how it will inspire and influence my decisions, big and small, in the coming year.
Sitting here on January 2, I am currently 36 weeks pregnant: my first child is due at the end of the month. Being a mother has been my biggest dream since I was a little girl, and I'm finding myself both excited and overwhelmed knowing this dream will soon be coming true. I'm hoping that regular reminders to "live in the present" will help me make the most of these new mother moments, as well as to avoid getting caught up in trying to make each day impossibly perfect.
Right now I see two seemingly oppositional ways to look at living in the present, and I'm curious to see how the two play out throughout the year:
But I'm also intrigued by other definitions of the word, and I wonder about how they, too, will influence my year:
Follow my progress and be inspired!
Bring it on, 2015!
-Annie Dillard
2015 will be my fifth year to align myself with a word [2011, 2012, 2013, 2014] and my third year to participate in Ali Edward's "One Little Word" workshop. Never before has my next word spoken to me so early in the preceding year. This past summer I ran across a quote from Shauna Niequist that begins with the phrase, "present over perfect." From that point forward, I found myself repeating this mantra whenever my perfectionist tendencies threatened to suck all of the joy out of something.
I noted the power of this quote in my 2014 OLW album as part of my journey to discovering and celebrating authenticity. Also documented in my 2014 album is my big aha of the year: that choosing to be authentic means choosing what feels right and real in the present moment. And, it struck me that here was the word "present" again. It seemed to be calling out to me, begging me to grab hold. I tucked it in the back of my head for awhile, giving "authentic" the last few months of the journey that it deserved. But, with the arrival of 2015, I am eager to unleash the word "present" into my life... to see how it will inspire and influence my decisions, big and small, in the coming year.
Sitting here on January 2, I am currently 36 weeks pregnant: my first child is due at the end of the month. Being a mother has been my biggest dream since I was a little girl, and I'm finding myself both excited and overwhelmed knowing this dream will soon be coming true. I'm hoping that regular reminders to "live in the present" will help me make the most of these new mother moments, as well as to avoid getting caught up in trying to make each day impossibly perfect.
Right now I see two seemingly oppositional ways to look at living in the present, and I'm curious to see how the two play out throughout the year:
- Being mindful of the present moment, not regretting the past nor worrying about the future...
- Making choices in the present that may affect the future....
But I'm also intrigued by other definitions of the word, and I wonder about how they, too, will influence my year:
- Present as a gift... what presents will I give and receive this year?
- Present meaning to display... how will I present myself to others this year?
Follow my progress and be inspired!
Bring it on, 2015!
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