12 months with Silas...

"He falls asleep and I feel I could die of love when I watch him, and I think to myself that he is what angels look like. Then I doze off, too, and it's like heaven, but sometimes only 20 minutes later he wakes up and begins to make his gritchy rodent noises, scanning the room wildly. I look blearily over at him in the bassinet, and think, with great hostility, Oh God, he's raising his loathsome reptilian head again."
-Anne Lamott

Wow! What a year! As I've said before, it seems like such a long time, and yet it just flew by.

What's Silas up to?
Silas is learning that he has a lot of independence at dinner time. His list of favorite foods has changed several times this month... one night he loves grapes, the next night he throws them all on the ground. Repeat with sweet potatoes, pears, chicken, etc. Some nights he refuses to eat unless spoon fed, some nights he won't let a spoon grace his lips. And sometimes he begs for a baby carrot off of our plate until we give it to him to gnaw on. It's enough to make this mama crazy!

No door or drawer is safe from Silas these days, and neither is the stuff inside... although occasionally he seems to follow the commands "leave it alone" and "put it back." After finding the DVD remote in the recycling can, we took action to move the trash cans to the other side of the baby gate at the dining room door... we'll see how long it takes for Silas to learn to go around.

It took Silas a day and a half to figure out how a straw works, although he still hasn't figured out that you don't have to tip the cup. Now he can also stack rings back on a spindle and will spend a long time trying to put the cap or lid back on a container. The best is... when he finds a sock on the floor, he stops and tries to wrap it around his foot even if he already has a sock or shoe on.

He started taking a few unassisted steps around the middle of the month, almost as if he didn't even know he had let go. As soon as he realized he was on his own, he would plop down on his knees. However, he surprised us on his birthday by walking the length of the living room (several times!)

Silas has been sick a couple of times this month: once with a scary bout of croup that ended up with an ER visit and a quick hospital stay, and then just recently another ear infection. Also, did you know that shedding fingernails/toenails can be a lingering symptom of a bad case of hand, foot, and mouth? Or so I learned from Dr. Google after Silas lost a thumbnail, a big hunk of a fingernail, and is about to lose a toenail. Luckily though, it seems to be only a temporary issue.

From mama's perspective...
I'm the mama to a one-year-old... how is that possible? All of a sudden Silas seems so big, his legs dangling from my lap as he nurses. More mobile every day, with plenty to say, if only we could understand. With independence comes tantrums, and this feels like whole new territory. While I know we've only just begun down this road, I find myself running to parenting blogs and books, and debating which philosophies and scripts I think will work best for us.

This month we put our deposit in at one of the Montessori nursery schools, in hopes of Silas starting in March. He has to be walking and drinking from a cup. We've been holding our breath on the walking part, but it seems that he is going to make the deadline.

Our freezer stash of milk is on its last days, so just days before Silas's birthday, we began to introduce whole milk into his daily bottles for school. I have fretted about the best way to make this transition, knowing all along that Silas would probably adapt just fine. I am hoping that he'll still want to nurse when I am with him, but I will trust his lead.

We woke Silas up with a crib full of balloons on his birthday, with hopes of creating a new family tradition. I've also been planning a "big" bash for Silas's birthday... both Rob's and my families are planning to be in town to celebrate the weekend afterwards. All of my brainspace has been devoted to party planning lately. After that is over, I know I'll be itching for a new project...

11 months with Silas...

"But from the very start, there is that small streak of steel within each child. That thing that says "I am," and forms the core of personality."
― Diana Gabaldon, Dragonfly in Amber 

During the first weekend of the month, a rash started to develop on Silas's face. We racked our brains trying to think if he had eaten anything new that might have caused an allergic reaction. Then the next day he started running a fever. By Monday the rash had developed into swollen blisters and covered his cheeks, thumbs, one arm, and bottom, and it was obvious he felt awful.

His pediatrician said he was a very sick boy and that they would have admitted him to the hospital if they didn't know us (making me glad we hadn't gone in to urgent care over the weekend). After taking blood from both arms (it took two nurses, mom, and dad to hold him still), we went home with three potential diagnoses and four prescriptions to treat them all. We had to check in with the doctor every day, and Silas was out of school all week. By Thursday the rash started to fade, but even now (four weeks later) he still has remnants of the rash. (Turns out that his whole class was out sick Wednesday through Friday, and most with hand, foot, and mouth disease... so we're guessing that he had a really bad case of it.)

Luckily the month ended on a much better note with our trip to Shreveport to celebrate Christmas with my family. Silas got lots of love from his Lovey and Papaw, as well as tried to take away all of the toys from his cousin Luke. It was a long drive and Silas slept horribly while we were there, but it was so worth it for all of us.

We aren't big New Year's Eve people, but we rung in the New Year at our favorite Mexican restaurant in Greenville (Silas ate a whole chicken soft taco, plus some) and then were in bed by 10:30 pm. This boy is headed full steam ahead to the one-year mark, and I'm so proud to be holding his hands all the way there!

What's Silas up to?
Silas is getting a reputation of being "Mr. Personality" at school. He often needs someone to pat his back to help him calm down at nap time, and sometimes won't nap unless a certain teacher is in the room. One day all of the babies were moved to a different room for the afternoon, and he refused to nap until he was brought back to "his" crib in "his" classroom. Stubborn boy... like his daddy.

After fighting his medicines for the first couple of doses, Silas decided to open his mouth and suck the medicine from the syringes. I can't tell you how much easier this made the week. I really dreaded having to wrestle him to the ground three times a day for ten days.

As Silas started to feel better after the onset of his rash, we really enjoyed our time together in house arrest. He would play by himself in the living room for a good part of the afternoons, but take little breaks to come over for a hug and kiss. He is also starting to "dance," aka rock back and forth, when music is played. And, one of his favorite songs comes from his Fisher-Price nativity set. He will also pick out the baby Jesus figurine and give him kisses when prompted. We would repeat, "Give Baby Jesus a kiss" over and over again because it was so cute.

Silas loved pushing the walker toy that Lovey has. His balance seemed to get much better in the week we were there. He is now babbling like crazy; it kind of sounds like "baba" and "mama," but it doesn't really seem to have a meaning yet. After months of modeling the sign for "more," it seemed to really click this past week. It looks a lot like clapping, but it is very clear that he is using it deliberately. He is also starting to give me big open-mouthed kisses on the mouth.

Silas loves trash cans, and especially the two white containers we use to collect recycling. He will leap over tall buildings (or at least the barricade Daddy made with kitchen chairs) to get to them. He also loves paper. He carried around one of my mom's catalogs all day long, tearing out pages and wadding them up as he went. We have to be careful though, or it quickly ends up in his mouth. I find myself saying, "we don't eat more paper" more often than you imagine. (I was only able to get him to lay still for this month's photos by letting him "pretend" to eat toilet paper.)

Three more teeth popped through this month... the one just to the right of his front teeth first, and then the one to the left of his front teeth, and then finally the front right tooth. And, it seems like he's about to get the other front tooth at any time.

Silas traveled so well on the way to Shreveport. He slept most of the way, so we just kept on driving until he woke up from his naps. He spent the first half of the trip trying to figure out how to get Cheerios out of his no-spill snack cup, and the second half of the trip eating them one by one. Cheerios were all over the back seat and stuck in all crevices of his car seat. If he is the least bit tired, Silas hates being buckled in the car seat... he locks his knees and refuses to sit down. Which means it takes us even longer to get out the door and on the road.

From mama's perspective...
I began the month fearing that our breastfeeding days were coming to an end earlier than I hoped. My pumping supply tanked, even though Silas still seemed to be getting milk when he nursed. After a call to the lactation consultant at the hospital, I upped my vitamins and herbs (Calcium/Magnesium and Fenugreek seed) to combat the hormone changes from the return of my menstrual flow... TMI?? Sorry. The week at home sick may have been our saving grace though because we were able to save our freezer stash of milk for January.

Silas is becoming very deliberate with his toys... carefully moving them from one surface to another or taking them in and out of a box. While a month or so ago, Rob and I would wonder aloud about what was he was thinking; now as he plays, it is often very clear what is going through his head.

We were so eager to take Silas to see the Christmas lights at Roper Mountain. We were just sure that he would be amazed by all of the colored lights. However, he was much more entertained by the phone screen. Maybe next year?

This month provided lots of opportunities to be present for my family. With a week home sick (all three of us at one point) and two weeks of Christmas vacation, it was a lot of together time with Rob and Silas. And, given that blessing, I appreciate both of them all the more. Silas is at such a fun age, with his little personality shining through. As his first birthday approaches, I am amazed at how much each of us has grown and changed this year.

A few of Silas's favorite Christmas gifts...
Silas was certainly a very lucky little boy on Christmas morning. In addition to a couple of small Santa gifts, he had many gifts to open from his grandparents, aunts, and friends. Below are a few of his favorites so far. Although he also received several fun gifts that he will come to love in the months to come.

1. Hape Mini Van : Great wooden "car" that Silas has learned to roll across the floor. With the window holes, there are lots of ways for his little hands to get a grip on it.
2. Match Stacks Little Hipster : This maybe Silas and Mama's favorite Christmas present this year. I love that the wooden discs were made in the USA and of sustainable products. Silas loves to pour them out and carefully put each disc back in the tube. He can sit and focus on this for ten to fifteen minutes... which I'm learning is really, really long in baby/toddler time.
3. Oops Imagine! Wooden Forest Puzzle : Magnets in each of the pieces keep these blocks standing upright. Silas doesn't yet know how to put it back together, but he sure likes knocking it down.
4. Old MacDonald had a Farm Finger Puppet Book : Silas loves a finger puppet book. He likes to watch the puppet "dance" on each page, and sometimes leans in for a kiss. Although this is only one verse of the classic "Old McDonald" song, Silas really won't sit still for much longer yet.
5. Lillaboo Toy Vehicles : These cars roll well across the carpet and hardwood. And the interchangeable pieces keep things interesting for mom and dad, too.
6. Countablock : Not your average learn-to-count book. Such fun for kids and parents alike. The illustrations on the die-cut pages are gorgeous. And, there's just enough humor to keep you counting all the way to 100 (Granted, after 20, every 10 numbers are presented on just two spreads.)
7. Litter Critter Plush Doll : Little Critter was Rob's absolute favorite as a kid, and he is eager to share the classic stories with Silas. Right now Little Critter is getting lots of open mouth kisses over his whole face.   

10 months with Silas...

“Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”
― Jodi Picoult, Perfect Match

10 months old... better late than never...

My mom/Silas's Lovey came to visit for a long weekend early in the month. She was able to have some one-on-one time with him while I went to work, and then I rushed home to spend the afternoons with both of them.

A few weeks later, after being home sick with RSV for a few days, he went back to daycare for one day before we headed out of town for Thanksgiving. We traveled across the state to Rob's parents house for the holiday. It was a pretty low-key trip with a big feast, a couple of walks around the lake, several sleepless nights, and lots of hanging out at the house.

What Silas is up to?
Silas started pulling up on everything... especially the living room windowsill and the corners of the side tables. And, by the end of the month, he was been cruising, taking a few steps while holding onto the couch, and even climbed the flight of stairs to the second floor by himself (with Mama close behind, of course).

Silas loves to play with cardboard boxes and empty bottles as much as any toy. He has become quite the wiggle worm during diaper changes. Sometimes though you can trick him to lay flat by handing him two toys to bang together. Banging things together is still a favorite pastime: often it's the family photo cards that I printed and laminated for him. And, sometimes he will even give the photos open mouth "kisses."

To show his love for us, he leans in to Mama's shoulder to give her kisses, yet he head-butts Daddy... which we both love respectively. When he gets upset, Silas puts his forehead on the ground as he wails, even if that means folding in half from a seated position.

Silas has learned to wave this month. He spends his whole breakfast waving to me across the kitchen, although he rarely waves on cue yet. However, he is awfully clingy in the evenings after work... I can't easily hold him as I cook dinner because he tries to grab the knife or knock over the eggs. So instead I prop him up on the bar stool or scoot his high chair over to the kitchen, so he can watch me work.

Although still a big eater, he's getting much more picky about what he eats. Often picking around his tray to choose only his favorites (sweet potatoes and corn). He also loves when we go to Jason's Deli because Daddy lets him eat off of his salad bar plate (mango quinoa, black bean salsa, feta).

Things got a little snotty just before Thanksgiving. After a long weekend of fever and snot out the wazoo, we took him in to the pediatrician. He tested positive for RSV; the doctor said that he seemed to be "handling it well," but the symptoms could last for weeks, "into the new year." Oh yay :(

Silas earned his first battle wound after taking on a fight with Grandma's coffee table. As he tried to pull up to standing on the metal and glass table, he lost his balance and bled from his forehead and nose. The first of many, I'm sure.

From mama's perspective...
I feel like we've hit a really good rhythm this month. Things feel good. I'm trying really hard to notice all the little milestones that Silas is hitting. It seems like he learns new tricks every day. On one hand, I know that many of these habits are fleeting, so I'm trying to capture them all with words and photos. But I'm also trying hard not to live with a camera in my hand and to remind myself that the memory captured is only as good as the memory made.

Nine months with Silas...

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."
-Robert Munsch

It seems we have finally found our rhythm this month. We are living into our daily and weekly routines, and they feel good. We're definitely on the move, trying to stay one step ahead of our now very mobile baby.

What's Silas up to?
Silas is learning new things everyday. This month he learned to clap, pull himself to sitting, crawl on his hands and knees, and pull himself up to standing. After watching him on the monitor one night as he pulled himself up to his knees and peered over the edge, Daddy ran in there to get him and vowed not to let him sleep in there until we lowered the mattress the next day.

Silas' teachers say that he "found his voice" this month. They commented about how uncharacteristically loud he has become... and stubborn, apparently one morning he refused to drink his first bottle because his regular teacher was absent. Sometimes at the dinner table, he will scream with his whole body like a crazy baby, and then stick his thumb in his mouth and look all innocent... it makes us laugh so hard.

We've started trying to introduce some baby sign language: "more," "all done," "mama," and "daddy." Occasionally it looks like he's signing "more," but maybe he's just clapping?!? However, we can hold a whole conversation back and forth with him, each phrase sounding like the short "a" vowel sound. Doesn't make much sense, but it entertains us both!

This boy can eat... he often uses his thumb to push more and more food into the roof of his mouth, until we have to give him a sip of water to clear it out. I'm packing his lunch and snacks on school days to avoid the processed food that daycare offers. Everyday I send a "serving" of protein (usually chicken), two vegetables (either frozen or fresh), a fruit (always fresh), and sometimes a bit of cheese. In addition, he's still taking three 5 oz bottles of expressed breast milk during the day, and nursing three additional times in the morning and night. For dinner we usually try to feed him from our plates, although occasionally we offer him an additional veggie to supplement. He shovels the food into his mouth faster than we can even get it on his plate. We're also practicing using an open cup, and although he still spills a lot, we can see progress.

And miraculously, once we started consistently feeding him real meals, he started sleeping through the night again. Which makes all the difference in the world for Mama and Daddy.

From Mama's perspective...
Although things seem to be going pretty smoothly this month (nursing and pumping is still going well... maybe the best yet, we're sleeping through the night, etc.), I'm not getting much productive accomplished. By the time we get home in the evenings, Silas is very clingy and only wants to me to hold him. Which means cooking dinner is a challenge, much less cleaning the house, folding the laundry, and working on hobby projects. So instead we read board books, roll the ball back and forth, or sing silly songs. Sometimes I carefully prop him up on the bar stool at the kitchen island so he can watch me cook, and honestly sometimes he sits on the floor of the kitchen and wails as I chop something really quickly or adjust something in the hot oven.

One particularly memorable moment from this month... my milk wasn't letting down quickly at bedtime, frustrating both Silas and me. As tears rolled down my face, I started singing our bedtime song, "I Love You So Much." Silas calmed down, looked me in the eyes, and latched on, and then the milk began to flow. This song has become so special to us... as I begin signing the tune, I can feel Silas just relax in my arms.

A few of Silas' favorites...
There aren't many "new" favorite toys or gear this month... Silas is still rocking out with his guitar, throwing his ball around, and jumping like a maniac in the jumperoo.

Overall the favorites this month were the adventures that we went on...

• Picking pumpkins at Berry Patch Farms

• Visiting with family friends (my first grade teacher and our flowergirls!) in Peachtree City

• Meeting my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Atlanta

 

• Playing with new friends at the park

• Cheering on Daddy after his 245-mile Beach Ride

• Putting his feet in the ocean for the first time

• Trick-or-treating with his cousins

Eight months with Silas...

“If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.”
-Vincent van Gogh

As mentioned in the last post, we started the month with pink eye and ear infections. Sickness seemed to hover over our heads for a couple of weeks. But the highlight of the month was our family vacation to Richmond, VA for the World Cycling Championship races. We urban-hiked/rode in the stroller over 40 miles as we cheered on the cyclists for three straight days. Silas was a great little tagalong for the whole adventure (minus the one night in the hotel when he uncharacteristically screamed for an hour at bedtime).

What's Silas up to?
Oh my, Silas is really mobile now! No longer can we leave him somewhere and expect him to stay put. He's even learned to flop onto his belly from sitting... it's not pretty and maybe a little bit dangerous as he dives headfirst into the floor, but it's effective.

He is fast with his army crawl. Usually he grunts with every scoot forward so you can hear him coming, but sometimes I look up and he is halfway across the house. His little rocking chair sits in between the living area and the kitchen, and while it's never directly in his path, he always chooses to go under it, rather than around it. Unfortunately he's ruining onesies as he mops up the floor with every scoot.

He has also started dropping things to watch them fall. This is both amazing to watch the wheels turn in his head and maddening to keep picking up the same toy over and over again or to watch all of his food land on the floor rather than his mouth.

Silas is a good little eater. We usually feed him bits of our dinner; he picks out the pieces of meat to eat first. I let the daycare start feeding him breakfast and lunch, until one evening when he projectile vomited it all back up (in the car on the way to Richmond!). Rob and I feel really uncomfortable with how processed the daycare food options are (beef-a-roni and strawberry Pop Tarts, for example), so I've decided to pack fresh fruits and veggies for him for the time being.

Silas is certainly a Mama's boy these days. Daddy is okay, but only if he isn't reminded that Mama isn't around. Luckily he seems to be okay at daycare drop-off, but he has cried through his stays in the church nursery the last couple of weeks, and they even paged me to come get him one morning (so fun to teach Sunday School while simultaneously trying to calm a baby). Although one day when he was hanging out with me at work while he was sick, we discovered that he can be comforted by someone else with long hair (he must associate the long hair with me).

A week after the ear infections cleared up, I got called to come pick Silas up from daycare because he had a fever again. The pediatrician couldn't find a reason for the fever; however a few days later, two bottom teeth popped through on the same day. Poor baby! No wonder he's been so grumpy.

While at the doctor's office, she did diagnose both of us with thrush (Silas had a rash in his diaper area and white patches in his mouth; I had the bright pink and bleeding nipples.) Luckily we may have caught it early, and after ten days of antifungal meds, we seemed to be symptom-free. (Funny sidenote: I had to wrestle Silas down to give him the oral medicine in each cheek for the first week. But on days 8-10, he just opened his mouth and took it like it was candy.)

Even more firsts this month... first music class at church, first time sitting in the grocery cart, first Georgia Tech game on TV, first clapping, first trip to the pumpkin patch, first solid poop!


From Mama's perspective...
Although I'm trying hard to stay present this year as a part of my "one little word" inspiration, it was all I could do not to wish away the weeks when we were under the weather. And, yet, Silas was still learning and growing and doing all of the cute things that I want to remember forever, so I tried to live in the moment as much as I could.

The daycare food situation brought on all of the anxiety this month. I'm really uncomfortable that Silas' environment during the day is so different than what it would be with me at home. I've been trying to decide if it's just a control issue (isn't parenting just a giant exercise in letting go of control?) or if there's something to genuinely be concerned about. It makes me second guess all of my "motherly intuitions" and makes me feel very unsure and haphazard about the parenting philosophies we ascribe to (I even feel unqualified to use the word "philosophy" to describe the decisions we've made). I'm determined to check out a few different childcare options next month, but I'm afraid that it will all just be more of the same.

This month I've been trying to put together/wrap up a big project for church. It feels a bit thrown together at the moment, as the direction of the project was decided much later than I would have liked. My time for creative endeavors is so much more difficult to plan these days (I can't just drop everything to chase a creative idea, nor can I schedule aha moments to emerge during naptime), and without a generous lead time, I feel really stressed. Luckily I think I will get it done in time and hopefully it will look polished to the outside eye, but this is not how I like to work.


A few of his favorites...

1. MULA Shape Sorter :: Silas will scoot across the room fast when this toy catches his eye. He loves banging the plastic pieces together and on the wooden box. We are no where close to matching shapes, but there are two pieces of each color and each shape, which in the years ahead will provide many potential games/learning activities.
2. Mini Acorn moccasins :: These adorable moccasins were one of the first purchases I made when I found out that I was pregnant last summer. I'm so tickled that now there are baby feet to fill them. We've only recently begun to wear shoes (and then, only every now and then), but he will keep them on for pretty much the whole day. 
3. Haba Allegro Stacking Ball :: Silas likes to play "catch" with us. We're not sure if he "gets" the game yet, but when we toss this ball into his lap, he will bat it away, sometimes back towards us. Just like his other favorite (Fisher-Price Rock-a-Stack), the rings of this ball come apart leaving a center core. And, even better about this toy are the fabric tag that he likes to grab hold of and the crinkly sound that the end piece makes.
4. Melissa & Doug First Bead Maze :: I had heard mixed reviews about bead mazes and whether kids actually played with them. However, when I found this one at the thrift store for $2, I went ahead and bought it. This model is just the right size for Silas at this age; he can hold onto the metal wires and spin the beads around. He doesn't quite get the idea that beads move from one side to the other, but he will push the beads down, if I get them started for him.
5. Just One You Made by Carter's Boys' 6pk Month Socks :: Totally an impulse buy at Target. But the boy was in need of socks. These make for the cutest photo ops.

Seven months with Silas

"Making the decision to have a child—it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

-Elizabeth Stone

 

Sickness has invaded our house for the last couple of weeks... which has pushed the monthly post farther down on my to-do list. I was determined to get it posted before the the 3rd rolls around again. So here it is... pardon any jumbled half-thoughts! And, I wrote as if it were actually September 3...

What's Silas up to?
This month Silas moved up to the big baby class at daycare. As his daycare teacher says, "For a baby who can't crawl, he sure can get around." If you leave him alone for a few minutes, he'll end up under something. He pulls himself forward with his arms, army crawl-style. But he won't go after a toy that's more than a few scoots away, even if he ends up pushing it forward and continues after it. He'll go the farthest for a cell phone screen; he'll end up doing laps around the living room floor chasing it. However if another toy gets in his path, he is totally stumped.

We celebrated Silas' 6th month birthday with his first solid foods: sweet potatoes and roasted squash. I was impressed with the baby-led weaning approach, so we've been giving Silas table food since we started. He hasn't ingested much, but we've already seen an improvement about how much he gets in his mouth and how much less he gags. Right now his favorites are green beans, plums, and corn on the cob.

I was leery about letting him eat solid foods at daycare. When his teachers bugged me about letting him eat food, I explained what we were doing at home, but I didn't expect that they would want to deal with it during the day. However, his teacher was interested in the baby-led weaning approach and has been willing to try it. Following "strict" instructions from us to guide them, Silas' teachers offered to start feeding him snacks. They were amazed how well he did with strips of banana on the first day.

Silas definitely knows his name; I love to call out his name and watch him whip his head around. Silas always looks to Mama when he's sad, but looks for Daddy when he's happy. By the end of the month, we have entered the full-fledged separation anxiety phase. He wants Mama and only Mama. Daddy is only good if Mama is right there with them.

Silas went on his first road trip this month, up to Ohio for one of our best college friend's wedding. We broke up the trip into two parts on the way there, but made the long haul back in one day. Surrounded by his favorite toys (monkey, Sophie the giraffe, a rattle, and toy cell phone), Silas rode pretty well, although on the way back, he was a little bit whinier.

By the time we got home, his eyes were goopy, his nose was running, and he had a fever over 101. At the pediatrician the next day, he was diagnosed with a double ear infection and double pinkeye. Neither the oral antibiotics nor the eye drops seemed to work very fast (although trying to wrestle a baby down to give him medicine is not the most efficient form of treatment), and he was out of daycare (Rob and I took turns out of work) for the whole week. He looked and felt pretty pitiful. Finally five days and a new antibiotic later the fever broke, and as Rob said, "we got our boy back."

From mama's perspective...
The ear infection at the end of the month did a number on us. I wrote about some of those feelings in one of the last posts. I'm really grateful that my job and workplace is flexible enough to occasionally let me work from home or bring Silas with me. As pitiful as he was, I enjoyed being home with him once again. Although my introverted self was (and still am) eager for some alone time, I also wish that he could come alongside me everyday.

This month I struggled with pumping enough milk. The day care teachers told me that they were having a hard time making three bottles stretch all day, which felt awful to hear. We've had to dig into our frozen stash a bit, I've had to squeeze in extra pumping sessions in the morning and evenings, and I'm taking fenugreek supplements three times a day. All of it makes me anxious which probably doesn't help my supply at all.

It's so weird to think that Silas is closer to a year old than to his birth. And yet I already can't really remember what it felt like to hold and cuddle a newborn.

A few of his favorites...

1. Chicco Caddy Hook On Chair :: We received this as a hand-me-down and opted to use it instead of purchasing a free-standing highchair. It's great because Silas can pull right up the table, and we can pull the fabric seat off and throw it in the wash. Unfortunately he is a very messy eater, and sometimes it's absolutely gross before we get around to laundry, which means we're considering buying something that wipes down easier, but this seems to be working pretty well.
2. Baby Einstein Rock 'N Roll Guitar :: After seeing how much my nephew loved his Baby Einstein piano, I was looking for a similar toy that plays real songs rather than kids' diddies. What a neat surprise when Aunt Callie sent us this guitar! Silas loves it! And, we love it, too because he is easily distracted by it, which is perfect when he's about to scoot into something that he's not supposed to get into.  
3. Fresh Starts Baby Food Prep Steamer :: At this point Silas is only eating a few green beans at a time, so it seems a bit over the top to pull out a huge pot to prepare his dinner. This little tool is my favorite because all it takes is 70-90 seconds in the microwave and the veggie is soft and ready for little man to eat. Although we try to feed him some of the same things that we're eating, I often supplement his plate with steamed green beans, butternut squash, carrots, and broccoli. 
4. Summer Infant Tiny Diner Portable Placemat :: I can't say enough wonderful things about the trough on this placemat. It's perfect for restaurant... saving us from cleaning up a huge mess on the floor. It also rolls up nicely to fit in the diaper bag. Unfortunately the suction cups don't work everywhere, but that hasn't caused too much trouble so far.
5. Bumkins Super Bib :: I can't say enough great things about these bibs. Baby-led weaning is definitely not for the neat freak (although who's kidding, neither are purees!), and the Super Bibs are big enough that they cover most of his front. These bibs are great because they wipe clean, and they have a pocket in front; after a meal, it's always amazing to discover what 's hiding in there.
6. Baby-Led Weaning :: This is the book that started it all. My sister let me borrow it, and the premise makes a lot of sense to me, both from a scientific/developmental and parenting perspective. If you're interested in this concept, I would also recommend the website/Instagram account Baby-Led Weaning Ideas/@blwideas; I've found some great meal ideas from her feeds

Six months with Silas...

"A happy baby has shining eyes. It walks openhearted into the world and spreads magic."
-Sigrid Leo

Silas went on a few adventures this month. Down to Greenwood to the drive-in movie theater, to the park for Fourth of July fireworks, and to his first birthday party (Happy 1st birthday, cousin Luke!). He even winged his way across the country on his first plane rides. He is quite a good little tag-a-long with his little personality just overflowing.

What's Silas up to?
Silas is sitting up... his balance is getting better everyday. He'll also spin around on his belly while laying on the floor, and if he really wants a toy that's out of reach, he'll occasionally throw himself forward a few millimeters.

I love the way his hands explore my face as he's nursing, as I'm holding him, really any time he's close enough for his arms to reach. He'll often grab my hair and put it in his mouth as he sucks his thumb; I wrestle the hair out of his grasp, but his thumb stays put.

He is a busy little boy with his legs always kicking. When he gets sleepy during the day, he will start fussing and whining while playing on the floor, and then find his thumb and lay his head down. I take this as a sign for naptime and move him to his crib, where he lifts his head, rolls around, and wants to play. I decide maybe a nap isn't in the cards, and move him back to the floor, where he promptly falls sound asleep.

Silas seems to have forgotten how to sleep through the night. I chalked up his rough week of sleeping while in Shreveport to a new environment and us sharing a room, but unfortunately things haven't gotten much better since we've returned home. He wakes around midnight and then again around 4:00 am, and although I try to let him cry it out, I pretty much always end up nursing him back to sleep. This has done a number on my milk supply during the day... but his appetite during the day is just as strong as ever.

Although I wasn't sure for awhile, now I'm pretty confident that he knows his name. Even in the middle of a sentence, he will turn his head towards "...Silas..." He often fusses when we leave his sight, and then grins really big when we return. The best part of every day is when he lights up as we enter his classroom to pick him up.

His little personality is starting to show through... he's a pretty sweet baby with lots of smiles and giggles. After losing a patch of hair on the back of his head, it's finally starting to grow back. Rob and I often find ourselves remarking about how much hair he has. And, occasionally we'll see little glimpses of what he will look like as a little boy, not a baby.

From Mama's perspective...
It was a busy month... It's almost like we're back to normal life. In the craziest week since Silas arrived, I had two job interviews in Greenville (I'm not even really looking for a job), decorated the church for VBS, straightened my house for my mother-in-law's visit, packed for Silas' first vacation and plane ride, and prepped work emails, etc. to prepare for being on vacation for a week. Although Silas was still my top priority, I had to spend less one-on-one time with him and delegate tasks to Rob. While certainly not the pace I want to set for all days, I was proud of myself for buckling down and getting things done.

The week in Shreveport with my mom and sister was life-giving. As I dreamed of building a family, I never imagined how hard it would be six hundred miles away from my own family. I'm so thankful for technology that allows us to stay in touch better than previous generations, but nothing beats being in the same room. Silas played with his cousin Luke and stole hugs from his Lovey and Papaw, while I chatted with my mom and dreamed big dreams with my sister. Already can't wait until next time...

Silas' teachers at school have been bugging me about starting him on rice cereal or purees, but we're waiting until he's officially six months old, and even then I'm hoping to follow some of the baby-led weaning principles. Before dropping him off each morning, I give myself a pep talk to stick to my guns... mama knows best.

A few of Silas' favorites...

1. Bright Starts Chill And Teethe Teether : We wouldn't be surprised if a tooth popped through at any moment. These teething rings are great because Silas can easily hold on to them for a long time. We put them in the freezer overnight, and he seems to prefer them chilled. They must feel so good on those sore gums.
2. Safety 1st Jitter Bug (similar) :We brought this toy home with us from Shreveport. Silas likes to hold the ring while we pull the string to make the plush toy vibrate. It also gets his attention if we touch him with the vibration.
3. Graco Bumper Jumper : It took Silas a few tries in our hand-me-down Jumperoo before he got the hang of it. But, now he is the king of jumping. This one hangs from a door frame which saves space. However, we don't have many door options downstairs, so right now it's a special upstairs treat while Mama is doing laundry or working in the craft room.
4. Junior Babiators : The Easter Bunny brought these sunglasses in Silas' Easter basket. Gotta protect those baby blues from the sun!! He's been wearing them since he was just a little guy for walks, at the pool, in the car... we're hoping he'll get used to wearing them and not try to take them off every second as he grows older. The awesome thing about this brand is their Lost & Found Guarantee: "if a child’s Babiators are lost or broken within one year of purchase, Babiators replaces them...guaranteed!"
5. Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Rock-a-Stack : This toy is currently one of his favorites. He loves the green doughnut best, and the pole is a close second. He is figuring out how to remove the rings from the stack, but often pushes them just out of reach as he tries to get a hold of them. 
6. Carter's rompers : We're loving the romper style from Carter's. It's perfect for the summer time... no extra layers, easy diaper access, but still feels like a complete outfit. We've got the shark print featured here as well as several others, including an adorable sleeveless version with tiny cars.

Five months with Silas...

"You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel."
-Pau (Pablo) Casals

A few highlights from the month (both positive and negative!):

Our amazing daycare that I loved so much closed at the end of June. We had only three weeks' notice, and it was a surprise to everyone. As soon as I got the email, I dropped everything trying to find a new place... hoping to land on something before the market was flooded with the other babies who now needed a spot. We did secure a place for him at a center that is even a little closer to home, and Silas started there last week. Baby is doing great! Mama is having a harder time with the transition.

Silas met his Aunt Stephanie and his biggest cousins when they came to visit for the weekend. The older boys had a blast taking care of the baby, and Silas didn't mind all of the kisses from Aunt Stephanie. We went swimming a few times and made a few trips to Target, but otherwise stayed pretty low key.

What's Silas up to?
His head and neck control has gotten much better this month. He loves to sit or stand (with help of course). He thinks it's a much better perspective of the world... until he finds his feet and topples over. Hooray for toes!

And, he is rolling all over the place. Once I set him down on the carpet in the living room and watched from the kitchen as he completely rolled across the room, moving off of the rug and bumping into the entertainment center. I just know that this trick is soon to become the new normal.

Silas always has his hands in his mouth. The record that we've seen so far is eight fingers. Even his new teachers noticed that once he finds his thumb, sleep is not far behind. He'll also put your fingers in his mouth, or a toy, or your shoulder, or your chin... whatever is closest!!

Silas makes the sweetest little noises especially when riding in the car or trying to fall asleep. I often turn off the car radio just to listen to his little coos. Speaking of noises, Silas loves for us to make loud noises. Off-key singing, clucking noises with our tongues, and big clapping bring the biggest smiles. I'm glad there's no camera around to capture the crazy things we do for a giggle.

Our "wonderful little sleeper" has been waking up several times in the night lately. Darn four-month sleep regression! I can handle one wake-up in the night (and kind of expect it), but these two-fers are kicking my butt! When trying to put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, Silas turns his head back and forth like he's trying to find a comfortable spot. In the middle of the night it's often difficult to distinguish between "I'm so hungry I could eat a whole elephant," "I missed you, can we cuddle?," or "Hold on, I'll fall back asleep on my own." Luckily, he hasn't had a night where he wouldn't go back to sleep after nursing.


From Mama's perspective...
The daycare fiasco kind of threw me for a loop this month. Leaving the little guy all day is hard enough, and much more so when he's not at your first choice facility. But I also enjoy time to be productive during the day and often remind myself that I would be going crazy if I was home with him 24/7.

This month I also got a little distracted professionally. I spent the first half of the month putting together a rad portfolio for curriculum/instructional design (with dreams of working part-time/remotely from home), but then found myself in a whirlwind applying for a director position (with added travel and stress) where I currently work. When they passed over me, I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time. Now I have me fingers crossed that more doors (the right doors!) will open in the near future.

Rob and I had a chance for a date night this month when my friend Jane offered to babysit. I had this crazy "OMG... I am a real adult. And, I have a baby." epiphany as we drove home to meet the babysitter. Speaking of date nights, Rob and I are also in a really good place right now. Granted, most of our interactions are related to the baby, but to be honest, most everything in my life is baby-related right now.

Most exciting for our family... Rob started a new job this month. Besides it being an amazing experience in a field that really interests him, the best part is that the new location is a mere five minutes from our house. This feels like such a luxury, considering he's never had a commute shorter than 45 minutes. He's now around in the mornings and home earlier in the evenings. He has graciously volunteered to take on more responsibilities, but I have to admit I'm having a hard time relinquishing control. As hard as it can be to juggle it "all," I really want to be the juggler, and I really want it done my way :) 

A few of Silas' favorites...

1. Britax Back Seat Mirror Silas is a good little car rider. He stares in our backseat mirror without blinking for most of every trip. When I look back in the rearview mirror as I drive, it seems like he's looking straight at me, but I'm guessing he's more entertained by his own reflection.
2. Oball Grip and Teethe Keys Silas loves this set of keys. The thin ring and the holes in the keys make them really easy for him to grasp. Just watch out... they may come flying at your head if he swings them too fast. 
3. Ergobaby Performance Carrier Now that Silas is a little bigger, the Ergo is our number one choice for carrying Silas around a store. Rob and I can quickly adjust it to fit both of our sizes, and Silas usually falls asleep as he bounces around the store. 
4. Circo Mini Monkey As much as I hated that Aunt Stephanie spent more money on Silas during her visit (that's a loooong story!!), this gift has quickly become his favorite toy. Once again, the skinny arms, legs, and tail make it easy for Silas to hold on to, and he loves to chew on Monkey's hands.
5. Baby Spring Float Sun Canopy We took Silas swimming a few times this month, and this float makes a trip to the pool much easier. Silas can chill in the water while protected from the sun by the canopy. Silly baby also loves to suck the pool water out of the cloth covering.
6. Your Baby's First Word Will Be Dada The first time we read Silas this book by Jimmy Fallon he giggled and giggled. Apparently the word "dada" is very fun to hear. Time will tell if it is his first word.

Four months with Silas...

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
-Elizabeth Stone

Considering the last post I wrote was called "Three months with Silas...", I'm guessing you have a pretty good idea of what we've been up to lately. :)

Believe it or not though, Silas is four months old. It's so crazy to think that he's the same age my nephew was when we saw him at Thanksgiving.

What is Silas up to?
Silas doesn't look like a little newborn anymore. Sometimes I even see glimpses of what he'll look like as a little boy. He's solidly in size 3 month clothes, but still fits into some 0-3 months, yet also some 3-6 months. He's built up some good rolls on his arms and his thighs, and his daddy alternates between the nicknames "Pudgeball" and "Plumpkin."

This month he has gotten really good at holding his neck up; he really enjoys to "sit" and "stand" like a big boy, with help of course. He often clasps his hands together which looks so deliberate and poised that it makes me laugh. And, after several days of almost, Silas is now turning over from his back to his tummy almost as soon as you lay him down. In the mornings, we find him rolled over with his bottom in the air. He can't always figure out how to roll back though, and when he gets tired of holding his head up, he just buries it in the floor. However, I know that the days are numbered when I can lay him on the floor and he stays there. See evidence below: 3... 2... 1.

Each time Silas sleeps through the night feels like a miraculous gift! For most of the month, Silas was on a pretty consistent schedule of waking once in the night (usually between 3:00 and 4:00 am) to nurse. Most recently though, he seems to have hit the 4-month sleep regression, waking also at 12:30 am. We're hoping to nip this little bad habit in the bud by encouraging him to put himself back to sleep.

Silas gets easily distracted while nursing these days, especially if Daddy is around. His wide eyes, little smile, and cute expressions as he looks around are some of my favorites though. To help him focus, he often grabs a hold of the edge of my bra or my necklace and pumps his fist up and down. Those little fingers... so sweet!!

From Mama's perspective...
I'm back in the work routine, which means a lot of pumping milk at work. Pumping at work sucks... literally and figuratively. But it's one way that I can be present with Silas when I can't physically be with him during the day. My office-mate is kind and swears she doesn't mind the noise, but three times a day my "Pump Mama, pump" alarm goes off, I hang my curtain between our cubicles, and the chug-a-chug-a-chug-a begins.

Wednesday mornings are hard. I don't know what it is about Wednesdays in particular. Maybe because it's the halfway point of the week, I am completely overwhelmed by the number of things left on my to do list, and yet can't see how they'll possibly get done by the end of the week either. It also seems to be the morning when Silas goes through three outfits before we even leave the house. Then of course we're running late. I feel so guilty for getting so frustrated with Silas when he's just being a baby, doing baby things. Needless to say, many a tear has been shed on Wednesday mornings lately (and maybe one sobbing phone call to my mom, crying that I didn't want to go to work... thanks for talking me down, Mama!).

But, the thing that I'm most proud of and excited about is the daily centering prayer ritual that I've started with Silas. No matter how crazy the morning was, when we arrive at the daycare parking lot, I climb in the backseat and grab a hold of Silas' little hands. I say a prayer over him, asking that he be surrounded by grace, peace, and love throughout the day. These few minutes to soak him in before we go our separate ways for the day fill my soul until we're reunited in the evening.

A few of Silas' favorites... 

1. IKEA ÖMTÅLIG bibs Oh the drool! Oh the spit up! Sometimes it's just easier to keep him in a bib all day long. I love these bibs from IKEA... they're cheap, and they're absorbent. I especially love that they're small enough to accessorize his outfit rather than completely cover his body.
2. Fisher-Price Easy Stack 'n Sounds Blocks These are Silas' favorite toys right now. He's just getting good at grabbing toys, and the holes in these blocks make them easy to hold. We were concerned at first that he might get his hand stuck between the ball and the block, but that hasn't happened (and none of the Amazon reviews mention this). Curiously the Amazon reviews mention that it's a negative that the balls can't be removed, but that hasn't been an issue for us.
3. Arden All in One Nursing and Handsfree Pumping Bra : If I'm going to be pumping at work for months upon months (which is my goal), I decided to treat myself to a pumping bra that both looks pretty and functions better than anything else I've seen. Although pricier than I usually spend on stuff like this, I have been more than pleased. It's truly hands-free, but I can wear it all day long.
4. Medela Pump in Style Advanced : This is the workhorse of my life right now! Although I hate washing and gathering all of the parts each day, I've only left a piece behind once. My insurance paid for the pump itself (no special bag like the retail product), but I just carry it back and forth in a totebag, which is more my style anyway. I'm thinking a Mama Says post about pumping may be coming in the future... so be on the lookout!
5. SleepSack Swaddle : Silas has been breaking the swaddle for awhile now, but I think that he still likes to be wrap up tightly. The SleepSack Swaddle has been perfect. We swaddle him up with his arms out, and then keep our fingers crossed that he sleeps through the night!
6. B-Safe 35: I mentioned this one in passing last month when I listed the stroller as a fave. But, our infant car seat has sure gotten a workout this month. We held our breath hoping that the new model would be released before Baby B was born, and we're glad we waited. We have no doubt that he's safe back there!

Three months with Silas...

"The world is as many times new as there are children in our lives."
-Robert Brault

 We began the month with a wonderful visit from Lovey, Aunt Callie, and cousin Luke for Easter. Not only was it invigorating for Mama to be surrounded by her tribe, but the cousins were able to meet for the first time. (Although I'm not sure that Silas realized Luke was there.) It was really neat to see what milestones Luke had reached (he's six months older) and know that Silas would be reaching them in just a few months. Lovey spoiled us with Easter baskets, a shopping trip, and handmade baby shorts. And, the conversations between Callie and I are always so authentic and energizing. We can't wait until we see them again... hopefully this summer!

The excitement for the month... Silas started running a high fever late on Sunday night. With doctors' offices closed, we had no choice but to take him to the ER, where his temperature was measured to be 102.6°. Because he was just shy of 3 months old, they had to do the full work-up, including taking chest x-rays, drawing tubes of blood, inserting an IV port and giving him fluids, inserting an in-and-out catheter for urinalysis, and admitting him for two nights on the pediatric floor of the hospital. Watching him get poked and prodded hurt this mama's heart, but he was such a trooper. Turns out it was just a cold virus, but better safe than sorry. By the time we were discharged on Tuesday evening, he was almost back to his normal smiley self; although a cough and snotty nose still linger, and he was nice enough to share his cold with Mama. Hopefully that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience... we could do without another hospital stay ever!

What is Silas up to?
The spit up... oh my goodness, the spit up!! The most memorable quote from Aunt Callie while she was visiting: "wow, he really does spit up a lot!" This month Rob and I noticed a pattern of it happening most often when his stomach is compressed, so we cut down on tummy time for a few weeks and stopped throwing him over our shoulder to burp or carry him. Although it hasn't totally eliminate the mess, it does seem to help.

As hinted at in the 2nd month summary, Silas slept the whole night through for the first time on the first night of his third month. Mama was thrilled!! Although this still isn't yet the norm, I really can't complain about his sleep routine: it could be much worse! His usual pattern is to go to bed around 8:30 pm, wake to nurse for a few minutes sometime between 3:00 and 4:30 am, and then I wake him for the day around 6:30 am. The hospital stay and cold messed with his routine for the few days following, but we have been graced with a few more all-nighters here and there.

We have been swaddling Silas at night since he was born, most recently with the Velcro swaddle blankets from Summer Infant or Kiddopotamus. When his hands are wrapped inside, he expends a lot of energy trying to break the swaddle and free them. We have started just leaving his arms out. Lately he has also been spinning himself around during the night. When I come in to wake him in the morning, he has rotated 180 degrees around.

We knew early on that Silas was going to be a thumbsucker, but until just recently his lack of coordination usually kept him from getting it to his mouth. It was so funny to watch him miss his aim, hitting his forehead or cheek. But then all of a sudden, this month he started hitting the target! Sometimes he will prop his other hand up to keep it in his mouth... which is just about the cutest thing ever! When the thumb hits the mouth, it's a sure sign that a nap is soon to follow.

This month Silas started officially giggling. The first time was in the backseat while Lovey made silly faces. He is a often smiley, happy baby, but that little laugh is the best! Kissing just under his ears or moving his arms along with a song is a surefire way to get a cackle.

From Mama's perspective...
When Silas was almost 10 weeks old, I returned to work part-time and started full-time a week and a half later. As expected, I have struggled a little bit with the idea of going back to work and leaving Silas with other people. It's the strangest oxymoron... I don't want him to know that I've left him with strangers for the day, but I also kind of want him to miss me while I am away.

It's been especially difficult, given my choice of "present" as my One Little Word for this year. Although I chose that word hoping to make the most of all the time I'm with my little guy, it makes me sad that it's not possible for me to be physically present with Silas for much of the day. I hate that our time together has to be squeezed into 30 minutes in the morning and a couple of hours at night.

Despite all of my reservations and feelings, returning to work/leaving him at day care has actually gone better than I envisioned. I have always been comfortable with the childcare facility that we chose, which has helped ease my mind. I am also glad that we are beginning these routines early before he is really aware that I'm leaving him.

Transitioning into it by working half-days was the way to go. (I would totally recommend this to other new moms!) At first I told myself that I could go pick him up in "just four hours," and on the first full day, the morning routine felt just like the half-days. Now I am just counting down until the weekends!

A few of Silas's favorites...

1. Aveeno Baby Lotion : The latest skin care regimen for Mr. Silas. At his two-month appointment, his pediatrician recommended Aveeno for his dry skin. I've been giving him mini massages with the lotion every morning and night which he loves... And, his skin is getting softer and less scaly!
2. The Very Hungry Caterpillar Teether Rattle : Silas is just beginning to hold onto toys, and one of his favorites is this caterpillar rattle. It makes a crunchy sound when it flexes and jingles when you rattle it, but Silas's favorite part is the soft felt legs that he likes to put in his mouth. 
3. Helium balloons : The highlight of Silas' hospital stay was the helium balloon he received to wish him well. We lightly tied it around his ankle, and he was entertained for a long time. I'm not sure that he ever realized he was controlling it, but because he kicks his legs so much, it was constantly bobbing around.
4. NoseFrida : Even after he was discharged from the hospital, Silas battled (and still is battling!) a cough and snotty nose. So twice a day we have to hold him down to suction his nose, which he HATES! Luckily the NoseFrida Snotsucker sucks up the mucus much better than those darn nasal bulbs. Unfortunately I haven't yet figured out how to use it solo: I have to hold his hands and position the funnel at his nostril, while Rob holds his head and sucks through the mouthpiece. But because it's more efficient, the "trauma" doesn't last very long.
5. Britax B-Agile 4 : Rob and I fell in love with this stroller when planning our registry. (It's manufactured just down the road in Fort Mill, SC.) We paired it with the brand new B-Safe 35 infant car seat model, and Silas is riding in style. The nice spring weather has been perfect for long neighborhood walks or spectating a bike race.
6. Boken Every Day Bag : I wanted to find a super functional diaper bag (read: backpack straps) that didn't scream diaper bag and didn't cost an arm and a leg. The Boken bag meets all of those qualifications and more. It is made of out a lightweight windbreaker fabric that looks a bit wrinkled, which may not be everyone's style, but I love it. It has been quite the workhorse going back and forth to daycare... bottles in the side pocket and several changes of clothes (did I mention he spits up a lot!) in one of the interior pockets.

Two Months with Silas...

“A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."
-Unknown

Where did this month go?? With Rob back at work full-time, Silas and I spent the days (and usually part of the nights!) together. We have established a morning routine, and then we often ventured out in the afternoons... there were groceries to buy, friends to meet for lunch, and even a tooth filling to be replaced.

What Silas is up to?
Silas is still nursing well... and is gaining weight each week when we weigh in at our breastfeeding moms' meet-up, despite the fact that he spits up after every meal. We have burp rags stashed all over the house and go through them like they're candy.

A couple of weeks ago we noticed a number of red bumps on Silas' face. After asking Dr. Google, I "diagnosed" it as baby acne and tried not to worry about it. But mamas are really good at worrying, and when his earlobe swelled up, I decided to bring him to the pediatrician. She officially diagnosed him with dermatitis (not super helpful), but said she thought it was a combination of acne and cradle cap that had spread to his face. So I attacked it with daily baths, the Mustela regimen, and Head and Shoulders shampoo. Each day we scrutinized it, hoping it looked a little better, and then all of a sudden, one day it did!

Rob and I had gotten used to a few 4-hour stretches of sleep at night, but at 6.5 weeks, Silas reverted back to 2-hour cycles. Wondering if we were just waking up to his noises (he is a loud sleeper, in addition to being a loud eater!), we decided to try moving him to his room to sleep at night. Two nights later, he only woke once in the night!! Coincidentally, the next week at my moms' meet-up, the other moms were discussing a 6-week sleep regression, which sounded exactly like what we experienced. (SPOILER! On the night he turned two months old, he slept all the way through the night!!)

Silas is much more alert this month, tracking a toy with his eyes and finding himself in a mirror. He loves when we sing or make funny faces right in his face. This boy likes to move... he loves when we rock him hard, sway the stroller back and forth, or bounce him up and down.

From Mama's perspective...
I almost lost it one night as Silas woke up every two hours to eat. I was feeling completely overwhelmed and at a loss about his rash, the spit up, and the lack of sleep. And, then on top of that, I felt guilty about leaving Silas "on his own" while I tried to get something accomplished during the day. As the tears flowed, Rob reassured me that I'm "a great mom, and there's no doubt that I'm spending quality time with him." Just hearing someone else say that seemed to pull me from my funk.

I'm spending my last few uninterrupted days as a stay-at-home mom before I go back to work. Although I know that I am going to miss Silas during the day, I'm telling myself that a piece of me is ready to go back. Right now my head is so overwhelmed by the logistics (how in the world will we ever get out of the house by 7:15?!?!) that I have barely had a chance to think about the emotional challenges. But occasionally in the last couple of days, I find myself also wondering/hoping/worrying if his teachers will know/notice/care about all of his little routines/preferences/dislikes.

I love that I am learning what calms Silas down when he gets worked up... usually holding him sideways, belly to belly while bouncing him with a little twist and patting his back. However, it's still a little surreal that he is here to stay. One night I told Rob that it feels like we're just baby-sitting for an extended stay and that a part of me thinks he is going to leave. Rob joked, "where do you think he's going to go? He hasn't learned to open his thumb from his fist. He won't be hitchhiking anytime soon."

A few of Silas' favorites...

1. Gerber Pre-fold Diapers : With all of the spit up, we needed to bring out the big guns. I bought two packs of cloth diapers to give us a little more time between loads of laundry. These guys are super absorbent and more functional than fancy, so there's no hesitation to get them dirty.
2. Mustela Cradle Cap Regimen Duo and Head & Shoulders Medicated Shampoo : To fight Silas' wicked case of cradle cap, I attacked it with daily baths with the Mustela Foam shampoo and nightly massages with the Stelaker cream. The combination of that and Head & Shoulders shampoos every other morning seemed to do the trick!
3. Brindille & Twig Cuff Pants : Silas is officially out of newborn clothes this month. He has several cute onesies, but needed brown pants to match. The stores seemed to have black, gray, and navy, but no brown. But I am my mother's daughter, so I bought this pdf sewing pattern, a couple of yards of knit fabric, and made my own. And, the best part about these patterns is that they can be sized up to 6T. I suspect many more pants for years to come!
4. Gulliver Crib : This month Silas started sleeping in his own room, in his own bed. We are quite happy with this affordable and modern-looking crib from IKEA, and Silas doesn't seem to mind that he's not sleeping in a designer crib.
5. 4moms Infant Tub : Silas loves taking baths with the 4moms tub. And, that's a good thing because he took many baths this month as we treated his cradle cap. I love that the tub has a temperature sensor so that I don't have to worry about neither freezing nor scalding my baby. I also love how the water flows through the tub to drain the dirty water.
6. Infantino Activity Gym/Playmat : While I clean, sew, or am otherwise engaged around the house, I often set Silas down on this mat to play for a few minutes. He loves talking to the "baby in the mirror" and occasionally he catches his hand on the toy rings which makes the gym wiggle and the "baby" dance.

One Month with Silas

"The smile that flickers on baby's lips when he sleeps — does anyone know where it was born? Yes, there is a rumor that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born in the dream of a dew-washed morning."
-Rabindranath Tagore

This has been the longest, shortest month of my life. I can't believe that four weeks ago, we were still waiting to meet the little guy who had been kicking me from inside for months.

While some days this month have felt like we're just surviving, all in all I'd say we're thriving. Silas is learning how to live in the world. I am learning how to be a mother. And, we are just learning to savor each moment!

What Silas is up to...
Silas has met both of his grandmothers and FaceTimed with his Aunt Callie and cousin Luke. Dad was able to take off a good three weeks from work, but it has been the "Mama and Silas Show" for the last week or so. The mornings seem to go smoothly, the afternoons seem to be willy-nilly, and many of the last few evenings have been downright challenging (Silas' witching hour is between 9:00 and 10:00 pm). Because of wintry weather conditions and the fear of germs, we've only taken him out of the house on a few outings, including the pediatrician's office, a weekly moms' breastfeeding meetup, a trip to Target, and a quick trip to mail a package.

Although he lost a bit of weight in his first couple of days, he's been nursing like a champ since my milk came in. I've been pumping a little bit to start a stash in the freezer, and just this week Rob has started giving him a few ounces of pumped milk in a bottle during his nighttime cluster feeds. He's just about to outgrow newborn sizes. Just this morning I set aside a box to store the clothes he's grown too big for. When we found ourselves at the end of our stockpile of newborn diapers, we took a chance on the size 1's, and they seem to fit his growing bum just fine. Daddy has been changing most of the diapers when he's home... he "charges" Silas two kisses for every change.
 
Since just a few days old, Silas has been able to lift and turn his head while lying on his stomach. And, each day during tummy time, he kicks and kicks, getting so frustrated that he's not going anywhere. We love to watch him make faces and to mimic the noises he makes, even when he bleats like a goat. Sometimes he gets so tired that he can't fall asleep, and those inconsolable cries are heartbreaking for Mama to listen to. As he starts to get worked up, he coughs a few times before actually crying... although sometimes he calms down before the tears actually come. Daddy says the trick to calming him down is to walk him around and around the kitchen table, ssssshing as loud as possible.

Silas had official newborn photos taken midway through the month (post coming soon!), as well as plenty of impromptu photoshoots. Mama and Daddy's iPhone photostream has been completely overrun by baby photos. We're celebrating all of his milestones, big and small: first snow day, first 5K ride in the stroller, first bottle, first school fundraiser (daycare night at Chipotle), etc.

From Mama's perspective...
Before Silas was born, I was most afraid of how a baby would disrupt my sleep routine (this girl needs her sleep!). But, knock on something, he has been sleeping in 3-4 hour cycles at night, which is enough to feel pretty rested in the morning. Although I would say that I'm more tired than I'm used to, I have only hit the exhaustion wall a couple of times over the last couple of weeks.
 
Even though I had been warned, I've been frustrated with my level of productivity during my day. I love the morning routine we have established, but it means that the day rarely officially begins before 10:30 am. Even on maternity leave from full-time work, I'm trying to keep up with my freelance responsibilities. It seems like nursing every 2-3 hours would give you a decent chunk of time, until you realize that within that cycle you spend 30 minutes nursing, 15-25 minutes playing with baby while he's awake, and at least 10 minutes laying him down for a nap, not to mention transition times. There have been several days that I worked what felt like all day long, only to clock two hours of billable time.

I'm trying to remember to set realistic expectations similar to Elise Cripe's "three things concept" from her days of early motherhood: even if I can accomplish only three things in a day, I call that a success. Most importantly I don't want to wake up on April 13th (when I head back to the office) and realize that I've wasted these precious moments away. 

A few of Silas' favorites...
Although we've been gifted with so much wonderful baby gear from our friends and family, a few items stick out as particularly life-saving during this first month.

1. Elephant Baby Mat : A coworker of mine gave us this floor mat as a baby gift... I had never seen one before. Although we joked about it looking like a dog bed, Silas loves it. He often naps on it when we're downstairs in the living room. It's so sweet to watch him rest his hand under the elephant's trunk while he sleeps.
2. Graco Pack 'N Play with Napper and Changer : Although I try to have him nap several times a day in his crib in his nursery, Silas sleeps in the Pack 'N Play bassinet in our bedroom at night. For the first couple of nights at home, the foot of our bed never seemed so far away (in fact, the first night, Rob slept upside down so that his head would be nearest to him). But right now we're in a pretty good routine... when Silas wakes in the middle of the night, Rob gets up and brings him to me. I nurse one side, and then Rob changes his diaper on the Pack 'N Play changer. I nurse the other side, and then I swaddle him back up and lay him back down in the bassinet.
3. myBaby SoundSpa Portable : It took us a few nights to learn the magic of this one (we thought the box fan in our room would be sufficient). But after seeing how effective it was during his naps in the nursery, we are now toting it back and forth between our room and his room throughout the day. It has several different noise settings (I personally think the "white noise" setting is least irritating), as well as 15-, 30-, and 45-minute time settings (we use the AC adapter instead of batteries, so we just let it play all night or nap long).
4. Just One You Made by Carter's Swaddle Blanket Set : Another bit of magic!! Although these look discontinued now, they were an impulse buy at Target in the weeks before Silas was born. They have just the right amount of stretch to swaddle him tightly at night. At 2:00 in the morning, we don't need his hands escaping and hitting himself in the face. 
5. aden + anais Burpy Bib : We've got a spitter on our hands. Silas seems to spit up a little bit after every meal and during every nap, so we've got burp cloths stashed all over the house (although that doesn't seem to prevent me from having to change my shirt at least once a day). We have received two of these aden + adais bibs as gifts which I love, and my mom even copied the shape to make us a few more. 
6. Carter's Sleeper Gowns : Silas has been sleeping in these little gowns from his first night at home. They're perfect for middle of the night diaper changes, and the fold-over mittens have saved his face from many a scratch when his hands do manage to escape the swaddle. 
7. Fisher-Price Infant to Toddler Rocker : A friend gifted us with a hand-me-down rocker chair similar to this (our exact model has been discontinued), and it has become the best babysitter. It is the perfect place to sit Silas down when I don't want to lay him on the floor. We move it around downstairs, so that he can watch us cook and eat dinner, etc. The vibration seems to calm him down, and if all else fails, we fold in the front stand and rock him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. 
8. Baby K'Tan Baby Carrier : Before Silas was born, I most looked forward to carrying him around in a carrier like the Baby K'Tan. Although it has taken a few tries to get the hang of it, wearing him around in the morning while I eat breakfast is one of my favorite parts of the day. It's also been our favorite mode of transportation as we've started venturing out of the house on errands (much easier than pulling out the stroller every time!).