Announcing the upcoming arrival of Baby B...

"A grand adventure is about to begin." 
-attributed to Winnie the Pooh

Yup! Rob and I are expecting a baby early in 2015. Although the road to baby has been a bit bumpy at times, this summer we have been blessed with a growing belly and a growing family.

I'm currently 18 weeks along, and the thought of how different our life will be in five short months fills me equally with joy and panic. Bowing to my Type A tendencies, I've started lists upon lists... nursery ideas, registry essentials, childcare options, fabric possibilities, childbirth resources... but I'm also trying to embrace the uncertainties and imperfections of pregnancy and motherhood.

After our loss in November, we have been cautiously excited since seeing the double pink lines on the pregnancy test back in May. However, it gets more real each day. I'm quickly outgrowing my regular clothes, I've started touring daycares and exploring childcare options, we've scheduled the appointment to learn Baby B's gender (just two more weeks!), and this weekend while my mom was in town, we got a headstart decorating the nursery.

I'm sure that there will be more updates to come as we continue this adventure...

Project Life... in good times and in bad

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,

The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky

We have had more than our fair share of both joys and heartaches during the last two months... and I struggled with how to document this roller coaster ride in my Project Life scrapbook. My desire to stay authentic and to really embrace real life won out.

As much I wish to erase these sorrows, these stories are now a part of my story. Years from now I will want to remember who I am and where I've come from... the good, the bad, and the downright heart-breaking.

After I learned that we had lost our baby (I thought I was eight weeks along), it was tricky to go back and journal about the happy weeks before. But it was therapeutic to write these stories and to build these pages. Recording these memories both validated the joy that we felt during the early weeks knowing we were pregnant and also became part of the legacy which our baby leaves behind.

Life sucks sometimes. I hate that. I hope that these pages reflect both the elation and the pain. As much I wish we could just skip forward a few months, these pages remind me what a crazy ride this thing called life really is...

October 7-October 13, 2013. We're pregnant! Fall for Greenville festival.

October 13-October 21, 2013. Rob's annual beach ride. Weekend in Charleston.

October 22-27, 2013. White Coat ceremony.

October 28-November 3, 2013. Halloween.

November 4-10, 2013. VCOM Olympics. We learned that we had lost the baby.

November 11-24, 2013. Two weeks in one spread. Football game. Momentum gets us through.

What about you? Have you experienced a heartbreak that was made a little bit more bearable by embracing the memories through journalling or scrapbooking?

Project Life... August through September

"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine."
-Neil Armstrong

The momentum continues... I'm still cranking away with my digital Project Life scrapbook for the year... I had a few busy weekends where I got behind, but knock on something... I think I'm now caught up to last week. It seems like in the last couple of weeks I have really found my rhythm.

Life continues offline, even when I'm not posting here regularly. These are the stories of our life over the last few months...

Week 7: July 30-August 4, 2013. Back to school. Mike and Amy come for the weekend.

August 5-August 11, 2013. A week of firsts. Marie's birthday party.

August 12-August 18, 2013. A morning in my life. Friday date night.

August 19-25, 2013. Softball continues. Sunday at St. James.

August 25-September 1, 2013. Mama's in town!!

September 2-September 8, 2013. Christmas in July Crafternoon.

September 9-September 15, 2013. Rob's beach ride scouting trip. Fall Festival at church.

September 16-September 22, 2013. New iPhones. Working from home. Singin' in the Rain.

September 23-September 29, 2013. Meal plan. Happy Fall!

September 30-October 6, 2013. New car. Lesa's birthday. Tibetan monks. International Festival. Our 6th wedding anniversary.

Rambling thoughts from today...

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Memo by ali edwards | Flickr

I have just set a personal record for body product usage: I emptied a fullsize bottle of lotion in just two weeks - it usually takes me at least a year ...

My intention for February is to "maintain momentum" and to cultivate four daily habits - as you can see, I've been pretty good at moisturizing daily and avoiding soda, I've been so-so at cooking dinner every night, and have just plain sucked at exercising everyday - I blame winter ...

Although I've been doing Zumba or yoga every so often, it's been almost a month since I've actually run, so tonight I took advantage of a not-so-freezing night to slowly get back on this horse ...

I did feel like quite the badass when I noticed that I was running outside when there are still snowmen in our neighborhood, albeit toppled over and melting as they might be ...

Which brings me to the fact that I'm about over this cold weather - it's time it said "adios"...

I'm at that point in the season where I hate everything in my closet - I changed clothes four times this morning before I found an almost decent combination, and needless to say, I didn't really have that kind of time ...

I really want to hang a gallery of frames/prints on my stairwell wall, but it's really causing me a lot of stress - then it stresses me out knowing that I'm stressed about something that's supposed to be fun ...

Speaking of walls, have you seen the alphabet wall that my friends Heather and Ricky designed and painted in baby Jackson's nursery - what a labor of love! ...

This weekend I was a wedding invitation fiend - refining concepts for my friend Maegan and finishing the final touches for my mom - hey, did I mention my mom is getting married?!?! ...

I also bought my plane ticket to the CST for her wedding today - can't back out now, Mama! ...

And, that's all she wrote ...

Blogs + Pinterest > most everything

"The greatest thing about the internet is that you can quote something and just totally make up the source."
-Benjamin Franklin (haha!)

Rob has never understood my blog habit. Despite the hours he spends on Craigslist and cycling forums, he still gives me a hard time about reading blogs and browsing Pinterest.

But, I think he's starting to realize their potential....

He came home from work the other day, recounting a conversation with a coworker named Jim.

Jim: my wife and I have just hired a interior design consultant from Pottery Barn to redecorate our house.
Rob: what?!?? Pottery barn does consulting?!?
Jim: yeah we pay them to look at our house and come up with a plan.
Rob: [still confused] why would you need to pay for that? Doesn't your wife read blogs??

So, Rob and I agree... blogs and Pinterest make the world a better place!

Even if sometimes I'm more of a reader and taker than a writer and contributor... Sorry about that... it's been a busy couple of weeks. But, it feels good to have something to say... and time to sit down to say it. Maybe I'll even make this writing thing a habit again... maybe...

Color Runnners...

"I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colors. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns."
-Winston Churchill

Today was the long-awaited Color Run in Charlotte. All of my C25K training (and beyond) paid off as I jogged through the course. 5K's go much faster when you're anticipating color stations at every kilometer mark and a color celebration at the end!!

I'll be scrubbing the blue tint from my skin for days, but I'm so glad that I was able to join this awesome group of friends on this colorful adventure.

And, because the photos don't quite capture the full effect, experience a little bit of the color magic yourself!

My heart is heavy...

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
-Mignon McLaughlin

More than once I have tried to write this post, but my mind has been a jumble of emotions lately. Some of my close friends have been struggling with illness and grief, and my heart aches for them.

There is nothing I hate worse than feeling out of control... and it is not easy to know that there is very little I can do to make it all of their hurt and pain disappear.

So instead... I brainstorm ways to raise money and build support. I send cards and small gifts to let them know I am thinking of them. I am wary of when I am truly helpful, and when I am a nuisance. I offer up my prayers for strength and healing. I have faith in God's will.

If you find it as difficult as I did to find a card that shares the right sentiment for these tough situations, I offer you the graphic above for download. Pick your favorite color: red-orange, lime, turquoise, or cobalt.
 
Print it out as a card... post it on someone's Facebook page... share it with someone who needs to know that you care.

A couple of links I want to share:

• Be The Match: connects patients fighting diseases like leukemia with marrow donors for life-saving transplants. Your contribution could be someone's cure.
• Marrow Christianity: my pastor's new blog to reflect upon his journey with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and an upcoming blood marrow transplant.
• Rest Ministries Pinterest Boards: a catalog of great ideas for dealing with illness.

When the bubble bursts...

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do.”
-Helen Keller

As middle-class Americans, most of us live in a bubble. Even as globally-minded as we think we are, we don’t have a good understanding of what it’s like to be impoverished and struggle daily to survive. 

And, then sometimes our bubble pops… as mine did the other day when I read Kristen Howerton’s post the inconvenient truth about your halloween chocolate and forced child labor. Until then, I didn’t realize that most of our  chocolate is sourced from West African plantations where child labor is the norm, and child slavery is common. My stomach has been in knots, and I have been having trouble sleeping, thinking about life without M&M’s. And, then I just get angry at myself for being so wrapped up in little chocolate candies. Knowing that there are children and forced labor behind these treats, how can I justify even a fun-sized bag? 

As my sister said in our gchat conversation yesterday… “it looks like im giving up chocolate for a while....”  

Then of course, looking deeper, many items that we buy without thinking are regularly cited for workers’ rights violations. Sugar and coffee being two common violators. (Thank goodness I don’t drink coffee…) But, that just makes me wonder… are there others.

This revelation is hitting at a time when I am especially ripe for this sort of message. After reading Interrupted and several other blog favorites, I’m trying to embrace simplicity and “less is more,” and I even have Rob on board in that endeavor. I’m also finally reading Same Kind of Different as Me and A Lesson Before Dying, both of which speak to the ramifications of modern-day slavery. And, our women’s group at church is currently selling fair trade Bead for Life products. 

On one hand, I want to do everything I can to boycott these disreputable companies and to spread to word; on the other, I’m overwhelmed… we still have to eat, we have to work within a budget, and ohmygosh, we live in the middle of South Carolina, where there just aren’t a whole lot of convenient options. 

My sister recommended a website/iPhone app, called Free2Work, which rates brands and products by measuring a brand’s efforts to make sure that child and forced labor do not exist in its supply chain. (The irony is not lost on me that I’m accessing this information through a product from a company that scores an overall D rating.) 

After days of consternation after reading her first post, I also appreciated Kristen Howerton’s follow-up post, from problem to solution: practical ideas for an ethical halloween, where she provides levels of practical activism that address the chocolate issue. 

For myself, I’ve decided that this journey begins with heightened awareness and a new conscientiousness at the grocery store. It may feel a little risky and uncomfortable at times, but if I can have even the smallest impact, it’s got to be worth it. I’ll be checking product labels for more than just nutritional information, and after an initial browse of the Free2Work ratings, I’ll be avoiding Hershey’s, Nestle, Wal-Mart store brands, Pop Secret, McCormick spices, Zatarain’s, Lawry’s, Simply Asia (this list is more for my own reminder than yours). I’ll be looking for fair trade/organic chocolates and sugar, as well as seeking products made in the USA with a new urgency. 

What will your response be?

This weekend...

"Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them." -John Shirley 

This weekend, I/we

• Cheered the local high school football team (which is ranked #1 in the state and #6 nationally!) to victory. Soaked in the "small-town" Southern vibe from the stands.
• Manned the sand art table at the church's Fall Festival. Enjoyed chatting with new friends. Won college basketball tickets in the Silent Auction.
• Designed flyers for two different freelance projects. Cleared out my freelance email inbox. 

• Struggled against hormones which were wreaking havoc on my moods. Tried to keep my emotions and reactions in check against even the smallest stressors.
• Treated ourselves to a frozen yogurt snack. Bought a birthday gift for my mother-in-law that we're excited to give her. Ate at a new-to-us barbeque place in town. 

• Started my new "watch-and-stitch" craft project, meaning that I know have something to keep my hands busy while watching college football on Saturday evenings.
• Worshipped at the early service. Listened to a sermon that spoke right to what I've been pondering on my own lately.
• Washed four loads of laundry. Emptied (and re-filled) the dishwasher. Tidied up the house before it made me crazy.

• Rocked out to my Shania Twain Pandora station. Needed those few moments to reignite my girl power.
• Rode 28+ miles on the Swamp Rabbit trail. Pedaled around the Furman campus. Clipped in and out of my pedals more times than I care to count. 
• Invited ourselves over to Thomas and Carmen's apartment. Ate post-ride burritos while catching up on each others' antics over the past month and a half.

currently...

"He who would travel happily must travel light." 
-St.Exupery

Time: 8:06 pm
Location: Bouncing back and forth between kitchen and living room
Watching: Olympics Swimming Trials... we've been watching all week!
Eating: Taking sneaky bites of the mashed potatoes and Parmesan-crusted porkchops that we'll have for dinner tonight
Drinking: A big glass of ice water... it's too hot for anything else
Feeling: Excited about getting to see my Mama again tomorrow!
Thinking: I can't wait until Rob gets home from his bike ride so we can eat
Wanting: To get started on my Memphis vacation minibook
Needing: Clarification from the TSA website about whether I can take scrapbooking supplies in my carry-on
Making: Our favorite meal for dinner
Loving: My new Baggallini cross-body purse... a great T.J. Maxx find!

The visit recap...

“Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will, it is always interesting.”
-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe 

My mother-in-law and my 8-year-old nephew visited us for a couple of days this weekend to kick off his summer break. It wasn't the best visit we've ever had with them, but it wasn't the worst either. There were a couple of rough moments for everybody, myself included... ones that we all hope will be quickly forgotten.

Instead, I hope that everyone will remember our many fun adventures. That was my goal for the visit... to have a one-of-a-kind adventure or two. And, to keep Chase going until he was exhausted, so he would go to bed without a fight and sleep late the next morning. I'd like to think that we accomplished both.

We spent a lot of time at the pool, browsed kitchen stores, ate hibachi, savored ice cream, walked through the zoo, splashed in a "fountain," painted rocks, read books, made paper airplanes, and more.

However, there's nothing like a visit with the in-laws to make me miss my own family. Good thing my mom comes to visit in a week and a half! I can't wait!!

The calm before the storm...

“The only order in the universe is just a cycle of calm and chaos.” 
-Toba Beta 

Enjoying the last few moments of calmness before my mother-in-law and eight-year-old nephew arrive for the weekend. I probably worry for nothing, but I want everything to go so well!

Things I've "moved"

“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
-Albert Einstein

 My conversations with the girls a couple of weekends ago confirmed that I'm not the only one regularly being blamed for moving my significant other's things so that he can't find them. (This complaint actually came up several times over the course of our camping trip!) Makes me feel a bit better that others are plagued by the same "missing-things-itis" and thus the resulting "blame-the-person-who-cleans-itis" at their house.

 However, it doesn't make it easier to deal with the daily search for "missing" items around my house. Especially when the said item is found later... usually in the last place where the person searching for it left it. 

The photos above highlight items that have been "moved" in the last two days. The irony of it all: I actually did move the items (which were all found in the master bathroom this evening??) to another room to photograph them. Let it be known, however, that I put all three back exactly where I found them.

A Member of the Wolfpack...

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
-Anais Nin

The best part of the weekend for me was hanging out with the girls. (And, when you ask Rob what his favorite part was, he'll say, "catching up with the guys.")

I've been around this group several times, but for the first time, I really felt like I was one of them. I finally felt comfortable enough to be myself. Which, I realize says a whole lot more about me than about the group itself. Making close friends for me takes time. It takes similar ambitions. It takes shared experiences. It takes a good bit of confidence. It takes putting myself out there. It takes letting my guard down.

This weekend all of that converged. I'm already looking forward to the next time we're all together (we've got the Color Run in Charlotte planned for October) and am hoping we keep in touch in the meantime. Even, if it's just an update on our C25K progress!

As much fun as we had and as much as I adore each and every one of the people we were with this weekend, there's nothing like hanging out with a bunch of different couples to remind me how grateful I am for my relationship with Rob. For our shared expectations. For the family dynamic we've created. For the routine of our little life together.